Mobile Phones

OK, they're useful. But men are cocks and flaunt them like they're an extension of their manhood. They are the new car. They can actually take a phone into the winebar with them to discuss them with their mates and show off about them. Hmm, phone envy. I shoukld co-co. (pompous voice) "High, I've got a phone". People keep asking me if I've got the 8810 or a f6ericminge. They're are most upset when I say "I don't give a fuck. Fuck off". They are all singing all dancing. WHat's next, the Nokia Fuzzaway? The first phone to have an electic razor with 68 new micro-bladed soother modules (t.m.). Ladies, trim your bush at thew same time as sending tacky photos of your cunt to your many boyfriends. Hey you can even phone people up with it. Get a life and fuck off out my face.

And another thing, people in my office have the ring at death volume. some irritating tune. that lasts forecever. then they leave the cunting things on their desk and fuck off for an hour. They get calls, 121 keeps phoning them back (sub-rant: surely 121 phoning back once would suffice - if I'm there I answer (but I'M GENERALLY NOT - THAT'S WHY i MISSED THE CALL) - and when I get back, seeing 121 has called once is just as effective as seeing it has called 86 times, belive it or not (I know outrageous isnt it?)). Anyway, the clue's in the title guys: "Mobile" phones. Take the fucking things with you. Or turn the cunting things off. They even get the arse if the come back and find I've turned their phone off. Fucking dog-raping horse blowers. They'll come back one day and find I've done a shit on their keypad