Three Poems

Twilight

'Twas the end of a busy day,
The bustling crowds had gone away.
My true love and I walked through the park,
'Midst fading shadows and approaching dark.
And as we stared at the setting sun,
I whipped it out and slipped her one.


Humpty's Truncheon

Humpty Dumpty was hung like a horse,
The girls heard the rumours and came running of course,
All greased-up and begging for a jolly hard roger,
But they trembled with fear at the size of his todger.

One saucy young bint, Dolly the tart,
Took the full girth and got ripped apart,
And all the king's horses and all the kings men,
Couldn't pork Dolly ever again.


Watch Your Beak

Boating on the river
I chatted to a duck
I asked him if he had the time
And he sniggered "have I fuck"
I said "you what?"
He said "you heard"
The cheeky little drake
I said "your shoes don't match your shirt
And your sun-tan's clearly fake"
Well he called me names and spat in my face
So I poked him in the eye
I cut his hair in an Eighties style
Which really made him cry
And as he sobbed and snivelled so
He turned and looked at me
He said "OK, enough's enough
It's quarter past fucking three"